Feeling Blue

Just been sitting here thinking that we have never had friends close enough to give us any birthday parties or anniversary parties. :-( Just feeling kinda lonely today. Our 25th anniversary is the 22nd and we do not know anyone here to invite over so we could have a party to celebrate. It has been like that all my life. I guess I am not very friendly or something. This is what comes from being on the move so often. I have never been invited to any parties. I have tons of scrapbook supplies that I would love to be able to share with friends. The closest friends I have are old high school friends and they are not all that close. The only person I really talk to often is my Mom. I try to call her every other day. Just feeling kinda sad today. I guess most people do not like me. I would love to have a close girlfriend that I can share giggles and laughs or even tears with. It comes from not liking going out and trying to make friends because I do not like rejection so it is a catch 22. I am just afraid people will not like me. I just want to get back to the US so at least I can be in the same country as my old high school friends and can call them with out waking them up in the middle of the night.
If I died do I have anyone besides Dave and my mother who would care? I slowly realize this as I sit here with tears slowly slipping down my face. No, I do not have anyone who would. I do not think that even my kids would. I am just tired of being alone.

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